The Worst Film Remakes

Over the past decade, Hollywood seems to be leaning more and more on the idea that remaking films is a good idea. They can rely on an already established franchise and fan base as well as not having to create new ideas and plot lines. In essence, it is complete laziness, a lack of creativity and a way for studios to make a quick buck.

So, the big losers when it comes to remakes are us moviegoers. It isn't as though we are forced to sit through utter drivel, but there is somewhat of an allure and curiosity to watching updated versions of films held in high regard. Even if they are bad, we can leave the theatre and have a proper moan about them, which, to some, may be more appealing than witnessing a new idea that could leave you just as underwhelmed.

2013 saw another batch of dire remakes. With a guaranteed income, you can hardly blame Hollywood, but for now, I would like to highlight the very worst remakes I have ever seen. These films are so bad, they actually insult the original and the audiences who went to see them.

Enjoy!

Psycho (1998)

I would imagine that this 1998 copy of Alfred Hitchcock's classic will be in almost every worst remake list you will find on the internet. It defines the word remake by being an exact shot for shot of its predecessor, except this has a different cast and is shot in colour. It's lack of fresh ideas, dreadful performances and complete incompetence make this possibly the worst remake of all time.

Total Recall (2012) 

The original Total Recall was a fun, throwaway Sci-fi action thriller, which had quite a few admirers. It was far from perfect, but there was no question as to its appeal. This remake took a film which was never brilliant in the first place and turned it into one of the worst films of 2012. The story is all over the place, the action boring and the performances garbage. I have had the unfortunate displeasure of watching this more than once, each time wanting to learn back, choke on my Sour Patch Kids and end the torturous ordeal.

Planet of the Apes (2001)

Oh dear. What a horrible, horrible film. if you have never seen this, do yourself a favour and keep it that way. The original Planet of the Apes is one of my all time favourite films. This remake is so hideously bad that I had to go back and watch the 1968 version to numb the pain that the Tim Burton version had left me. The less said about the ludicrous ending the better.

The Wicker Man (2006)

The image above speaks volumes. Like or loathe the original Wicker Man (I am personally a huge fan), nobody can deny that it is a masterpiece next to this. Nicholas Cage is truly dreadful here, as are all of the cast. Its a mess of a film that has some of the most comically awful scenes, dialogue and performances I have ever seen.

Death at a Funeral (2010)

What a complete wast of time. This version of Death at a Funeral came out just three years, that's right, three years after the original. It is the same as the 2007 version just with a totally different cast. Oh, and it is abysmal to boot.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

This remake of the horror classic descends into a complete farce. It moves away from everything that made the original great, turning instead to a boring, unimaginative teen slasher. Gone is the mad and macabre Freddy, in his place a generic horror villain. The whole film wreaks of one giant cash in. lets just hope murmurs of a new Nightmare 2 are unfounded.

Poseidon (2006)

This big budget blockbuster fails in so many ways. The plot is generic, its filled with screaming actors and the majority of the narrative is cringe worthy. Car crash cinema... on a boat.

Prom Night (2008)

Prom Night is scary for all the wrong reasons, it is terrifyingly bad. Not only is it one of the worst remakes I have ever seen, but it is also one of the worst horror films I have had the displeasure of having to endure. It is cheap, distasteful and fails to thrill or scare its audience even once. Do not waste your time.

Dishonourable Mentions:

House of Wax (2005)
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
Clash of the Titans (2010)
The Karate Kid (2010)
Godzilla (1998)
Straw Dogs (2011)
The Stepford Wives (2004)