Directed by: Carl Rinsch
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Hiroyuki Sanada, Kô Shibasaki
Synopsis: A band of samurai set out to avenge the death and dishonour of their master at the hands of a ruthless shogun.
Patchy performances. Enjoyable action adventure.
Sunday, 29 December 2013
47 Ronin - 5 Word Film Review
Directed by: Carl Rinsch
Starring: Keanu Reeves, Hiroyuki Sanada, Kô Shibasaki
Synopsis: A band of samurai set out to avenge the death and dishonour of their master at the hands of a ruthless shogun.
Friday, 27 December 2013
My 10 Worst Films of 2013
With 2013 drawing to a close, I have decided to highlight what I think are the ten worst films of this past year. They aren't necessarily the ones I have given the lowest rating, they are just the films I personally believe to be the true stinkers of 2013.
Enjoy!
10. After Earth
If this list featured the most annoying performances of 2013, After Earth would be much higher up. Jaden Smith is almost unbearable here and even Will Smith can't do enough so save the film from being one of the true low points in 2013. Near the end, the plot completely contradicts itself, however by this point I was too bored to care.
9. Planes
Disney's Planes was supposed to capture audiences imaginations as much as Cars did back in 2006. Unfortunately, it fell short, disastrously short.
The voice acting and script are laughable, much like the terribly cliched and predictable plot. The whole film lacks any kind of imagination and charm, something that is usually a given in a Disney movie.
8. The Counsellor
Oh, what might have been. With A terrific cast and one of Hollywood's most revered directors on board this was set to be an instant hit and perhaps even an Oscar contender.
Unfortunately, The Counsellor turned out to be one of the biggest Turkeys of the year. The sheer thought of what might have been not only add to the disappointment, but also condemn it to being officially the biggest letdown of 2013.
7. Red Dawn
I did a longer review on everything wrong with Red Dawn earlier this year, so I will keep my thoughts now to a minimum. The amount of action cliches found here coupled with some dire performances condemn this to being, at times, unwatchable.
6. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D
I'll admit, watching this is much more pleasurable than enduring some of the others on this list. However, I put that mostly down to my love for cheesy horror films.
With that said, there is no doubt that TC3D is complete garbage. The acting is horrific, the story ludicrous and like most bad horror films, it's ends up being unintentionally comical. Easily one of the worst 2013 had to offer.
5. Olympus Has Fallen
Olympus Has Fallen is brain dead cinema, and not in a good way. Don't get me wrong, I love a good mindless action film and while this may be mindless, it is certainly not good.
Every scene seems to be more far fetched than the last. It is littered with cliches from action films of old and it does absolutely nothing new. Olympus Has Fallen is a poor mans Die Hard. In fact, mentioning those two films in the same sentence feels just plain wrong. Avoid.
4. The Big Wedding
The Big Wedding is one of those films which the actors know is bad, the studio know is bad and the audience know is bad. It is a film which fails on every level and its only reason for existence is a pay cheque for the actors and a reasonably short and sweet revenue stream for the studio.
It's not funny, it's extremely predictable and it's ninety minutes too long. Moving on.
3. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
I never bought into the appeal of the original Anchorman. Since DVD, however, it has become a cult classic and has garnered many fans.
This sequel may well go the same way, but there is no getting around how depressingly bad it is. Never has a film so catastrophically failed in making me laugh. The ratio of gags to laughter in my sold out screening was embarrassing and I can honestly say I didn't laugh once. That fact is even more shocking when you consider there was something we were expected to find funny every 20 seconds. Dreadful.
2.Grown Ups 2
In at number 2 we have Grown Ups 2. The first was horrid and somehow this manages to be even worse.
The humour is so immature and distasteful, it's a mystery how this even got made. Wait, it took over 40 million in its opening weekend... Mystery solved. Grown Ups 3 anyone?
1. The Harry Hill Movie
Shockingly, this actually made me laugh. However, it was just the once and it was in the opening sequence. The laugh in question was one of despair at the fact I found myself in the cinema watching Harry Hill race against his mother on their mobility scooters.
From there ensued some painfully unfunny gags, some cringeworthy one liners and an insanely stupid plot. Whether you're a Harry Hill fan, whether you are expecting something ridiculous, nothing can prepare you for how dreadful this film is.
Enjoy!
10. After Earth
If this list featured the most annoying performances of 2013, After Earth would be much higher up. Jaden Smith is almost unbearable here and even Will Smith can't do enough so save the film from being one of the true low points in 2013. Near the end, the plot completely contradicts itself, however by this point I was too bored to care.
9. Planes
Disney's Planes was supposed to capture audiences imaginations as much as Cars did back in 2006. Unfortunately, it fell short, disastrously short.
The voice acting and script are laughable, much like the terribly cliched and predictable plot. The whole film lacks any kind of imagination and charm, something that is usually a given in a Disney movie.
8. The Counsellor
Oh, what might have been. With A terrific cast and one of Hollywood's most revered directors on board this was set to be an instant hit and perhaps even an Oscar contender.
Unfortunately, The Counsellor turned out to be one of the biggest Turkeys of the year. The sheer thought of what might have been not only add to the disappointment, but also condemn it to being officially the biggest letdown of 2013.
7. Red Dawn
I did a longer review on everything wrong with Red Dawn earlier this year, so I will keep my thoughts now to a minimum. The amount of action cliches found here coupled with some dire performances condemn this to being, at times, unwatchable.
6. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D
I'll admit, watching this is much more pleasurable than enduring some of the others on this list. However, I put that mostly down to my love for cheesy horror films.
With that said, there is no doubt that TC3D is complete garbage. The acting is horrific, the story ludicrous and like most bad horror films, it's ends up being unintentionally comical. Easily one of the worst 2013 had to offer.
5. Olympus Has Fallen
Olympus Has Fallen is brain dead cinema, and not in a good way. Don't get me wrong, I love a good mindless action film and while this may be mindless, it is certainly not good.
Every scene seems to be more far fetched than the last. It is littered with cliches from action films of old and it does absolutely nothing new. Olympus Has Fallen is a poor mans Die Hard. In fact, mentioning those two films in the same sentence feels just plain wrong. Avoid.
4. The Big Wedding
The Big Wedding is one of those films which the actors know is bad, the studio know is bad and the audience know is bad. It is a film which fails on every level and its only reason for existence is a pay cheque for the actors and a reasonably short and sweet revenue stream for the studio.
It's not funny, it's extremely predictable and it's ninety minutes too long. Moving on.
3. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues
I never bought into the appeal of the original Anchorman. Since DVD, however, it has become a cult classic and has garnered many fans.
This sequel may well go the same way, but there is no getting around how depressingly bad it is. Never has a film so catastrophically failed in making me laugh. The ratio of gags to laughter in my sold out screening was embarrassing and I can honestly say I didn't laugh once. That fact is even more shocking when you consider there was something we were expected to find funny every 20 seconds. Dreadful.
2.Grown Ups 2
In at number 2 we have Grown Ups 2. The first was horrid and somehow this manages to be even worse.
The humour is so immature and distasteful, it's a mystery how this even got made. Wait, it took over 40 million in its opening weekend... Mystery solved. Grown Ups 3 anyone?
1. The Harry Hill Movie
Shockingly, this actually made me laugh. However, it was just the once and it was in the opening sequence. The laugh in question was one of despair at the fact I found myself in the cinema watching Harry Hill race against his mother on their mobility scooters.
From there ensued some painfully unfunny gags, some cringeworthy one liners and an insanely stupid plot. Whether you're a Harry Hill fan, whether you are expecting something ridiculous, nothing can prepare you for how dreadful this film is.
Thursday, 26 December 2013
The Harry Hill Movie - 5 Word Film Review
Directed by: Steve Bendelack
Starring: Harry Hill, Julie Walters, Simon Bird
Synopsis: When Harry and his petrol drinking Nan discover their hamster is seriously ill, they set off on a road trip to Blackpool pursued by a lunatic vet.
Easily the worst of 2013.
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues - 5 Word Film Review
Directed by: Adam McKay
Starring: Will Ferrell, Christina Applegate, Paul Rudd
Synopsis: With the 70s behind him, San Diego's top rated newsman, Ron Burgundy, returns to take New York's first 24-hour news channel by storm.
Continuously cringeworthy, unfunny, repetitive gags.
Friday, 20 December 2013
Rewind FIlm Review #9 - It's a Wonderful Life (1946)
Directed by: Frank Capra
Starring: James Stewart, Donna Reed, Lionel Barrymore
Synopsis: An angel helps a compassionate but despairingly frustrated businessman by showing what life would have been like if he never existed.
Inspirationally uplifting. A timeless classic.
Wednesday, 18 December 2013
The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug - 5 Word Film Review
Directed by: Peter Jackson
Starring: Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage
Synopsis: The dwarves, along with Bilbo Baggins and Gandalf the Grey, continue their quest to reclaim Erebor, their homeland, from Smaug. Bilbo Baggins is in possession of a mysterious and magical ring.
Obliterates its predecessor. Thrilling action.
Homefront - 5 Word Film Review
Directed by: Gary Fleder
Starring: Jason Statham, James Franco, Winona Ryder
Synopsis: A former DEA agent moves his family to a quiet town, where he soon tangles with a local meth drug lord.
Mindless action sequences, trademark Statham.
Monday, 9 December 2013
Nebraska - 5 Word Film Review
Directed by: Alexander Payne
Starring: Bruce Dern, Will Forte, June Squibb
Synopsis: An ageing, booze-addled father makes the trip from Montana to Nebraska with his estranged son in order to claim a million dollar Mega Sweepstakes Marketing prize.
Brilliantly acted, shot and written.
Frozen - 5 Word Film Review
Directed by: Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee
Starring: Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, Idina Menzel
Synopsis: Fearless optimist Anna teams up with Kristoff in an epic journey, encountering Everest-like conditions, and a hilarious snowman named Olaf in a race to find Anna's sister Elsa, whose icy powers have trapped the kingdom in eternal winter.
Wonderfully entertaining. Instant Disney classic.
Wednesday, 4 December 2013
Carrie - 5 Word Film Review
Directed by: Kimberly Peirce
Starring: Chloë Grace Moretz, Julianne Moore, Gabriella Wilde
Synopsis: A re-imagining of the classic horror tale about Carrie White, a shy girl outcast by her peers and sheltered by her deeply religious mother, who unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.
Successful modernisation. Solid, effective remake.
Free Birds - 5 Word Film Review
Directed by: Jimmy Hayward
Starring: Woody Harrelson, Owen Wilson, Dan Fogler
Synopsis: Two turkeys from opposite sides of the tracks must put aside their differences and team up to travel back in time to change the course of history - and get turkey off the holiday menu for good.
Rarely funny. Uninteresting, drab storyline.
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