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Sunday, 5 January 2014
The Worst Film Remakes
Over the past decade, Hollywood seems to be leaning more and more on the idea that remaking films is a good idea. They can rely on an already established franchise and fan base as well as not having to create new ideas and plot lines. In essence, it is complete laziness, a lack of creativity and a way for studios to make a quick buck.
So, the big losers when it comes to remakes are us moviegoers. It isn't as though we are forced to sit through utter drivel, but there is somewhat of an allure and curiosity to watching updated versions of films held in high regard. Even if they are bad, we can leave the theatre and have a proper moan about them, which, to some, may be more appealing than witnessing a new idea that could leave you just as underwhelmed.
2013 saw another batch of dire remakes. With a guaranteed income, you can hardly blame Hollywood, but for now, I would like to highlight the very worst remakes I have ever seen. These films are so bad, they actually insult the original and the audiences who went to see them.
Enjoy!
Psycho (1998)
I would imagine that this 1998 copy of Alfred Hitchcock's classic will be in almost every worst remake list you will find on the internet. It defines the word remake by being an exact shot for shot of its predecessor, except this has a different cast and is shot in colour. It's lack of fresh ideas, dreadful performances and complete incompetence make this possibly the worst remake of all time.
Total Recall (2012)
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The original Total Recall was a fun, throwaway Sci-fi action thriller, which had quite a few admirers. It was far from perfect, but there was no question as to its appeal. This remake took a film which was never brilliant in the first place and turned it into one of the worst films of 2012. The story is all over the place, the action boring and the performances garbage. I have had the unfortunate displeasure of watching this more than once, each time wanting to learn back, choke on my Sour Patch Kids and end the torturous ordeal.
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Oh dear. What a horrible, horrible film. if you have never seen this, do yourself a favour and keep it that way. The original Planet of the Apes is one of my all time favourite films. This remake is so hideously bad that I had to go back and watch the 1968 version to numb the pain that the Tim Burton version had left me. The less said about the ludicrous ending the better.
The Wicker Man (2006)
The image above speaks volumes. Like or loathe the original Wicker Man (I am personally a huge fan), nobody can deny that it is a masterpiece next to this. Nicholas Cage is truly dreadful here, as are all of the cast. Its a mess of a film that has some of the most comically awful scenes, dialogue and performances I have ever seen.
Death at a Funeral (2010)
What a complete wast of time. This version of Death at a Funeral came out just three years, that's right, three years after the original. It is the same as the 2007 version just with a totally different cast. Oh, and it is abysmal to boot.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
This remake of the horror classic descends into a complete farce. It moves away from everything that made the original great, turning instead to a boring, unimaginative teen slasher. Gone is the mad and macabre Freddy, in his place a generic horror villain. The whole film wreaks of one giant cash in. lets just hope murmurs of a new Nightmare 2 are unfounded.
Poseidon (2006)
This big budget blockbuster fails in so many ways. The plot is generic, its filled with screaming actors and the majority of the narrative is cringe worthy. Car crash cinema... on a boat.
Prom Night (2008)
Prom Night is scary for all the wrong reasons, it is terrifyingly bad. Not only is it one of the worst remakes I have ever seen, but it is also one of the worst horror films I have had the displeasure of having to endure. It is cheap, distasteful and fails to thrill or scare its audience even once. Do not waste your time.
Dishonourable Mentions:
House of Wax (2005)
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
Clash of the Titans (2010)
The Karate Kid (2010)
Godzilla (1998)
Straw Dogs (2011)
The Stepford Wives (2004)
So, the big losers when it comes to remakes are us moviegoers. It isn't as though we are forced to sit through utter drivel, but there is somewhat of an allure and curiosity to watching updated versions of films held in high regard. Even if they are bad, we can leave the theatre and have a proper moan about them, which, to some, may be more appealing than witnessing a new idea that could leave you just as underwhelmed.
2013 saw another batch of dire remakes. With a guaranteed income, you can hardly blame Hollywood, but for now, I would like to highlight the very worst remakes I have ever seen. These films are so bad, they actually insult the original and the audiences who went to see them.
Enjoy!
Psycho (1998)
I would imagine that this 1998 copy of Alfred Hitchcock's classic will be in almost every worst remake list you will find on the internet. It defines the word remake by being an exact shot for shot of its predecessor, except this has a different cast and is shot in colour. It's lack of fresh ideas, dreadful performances and complete incompetence make this possibly the worst remake of all time.
Total Recall (2012)
The original Total Recall was a fun, throwaway Sci-fi action thriller, which had quite a few admirers. It was far from perfect, but there was no question as to its appeal. This remake took a film which was never brilliant in the first place and turned it into one of the worst films of 2012. The story is all over the place, the action boring and the performances garbage. I have had the unfortunate displeasure of watching this more than once, each time wanting to learn back, choke on my Sour Patch Kids and end the torturous ordeal.
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Oh dear. What a horrible, horrible film. if you have never seen this, do yourself a favour and keep it that way. The original Planet of the Apes is one of my all time favourite films. This remake is so hideously bad that I had to go back and watch the 1968 version to numb the pain that the Tim Burton version had left me. The less said about the ludicrous ending the better.
The Wicker Man (2006)
The image above speaks volumes. Like or loathe the original Wicker Man (I am personally a huge fan), nobody can deny that it is a masterpiece next to this. Nicholas Cage is truly dreadful here, as are all of the cast. Its a mess of a film that has some of the most comically awful scenes, dialogue and performances I have ever seen.
Death at a Funeral (2010)
What a complete wast of time. This version of Death at a Funeral came out just three years, that's right, three years after the original. It is the same as the 2007 version just with a totally different cast. Oh, and it is abysmal to boot.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
This remake of the horror classic descends into a complete farce. It moves away from everything that made the original great, turning instead to a boring, unimaginative teen slasher. Gone is the mad and macabre Freddy, in his place a generic horror villain. The whole film wreaks of one giant cash in. lets just hope murmurs of a new Nightmare 2 are unfounded.
Poseidon (2006)
This big budget blockbuster fails in so many ways. The plot is generic, its filled with screaming actors and the majority of the narrative is cringe worthy. Car crash cinema... on a boat.
Prom Night (2008)
Prom Night is scary for all the wrong reasons, it is terrifyingly bad. Not only is it one of the worst remakes I have ever seen, but it is also one of the worst horror films I have had the displeasure of having to endure. It is cheap, distasteful and fails to thrill or scare its audience even once. Do not waste your time.
Dishonourable Mentions:
House of Wax (2005)
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
Clash of the Titans (2010)
The Karate Kid (2010)
Godzilla (1998)
Straw Dogs (2011)
The Stepford Wives (2004)
Friday, 3 January 2014
Thursday, 2 January 2014
My 10 Best Films of 2013
Compiling this list proved much, much harder than the one I put together on the worst films of 2013 (see here: the worst of 2013). While there have been a few fantastic films this year, there were too many that were plagued with faults that diminished them to the ranks of mediocrity. With this in mind I have painstakingly put this list together, which in my view features the most complete and most enjoyable films of 2013.
So, without further ado, here are my picks of the best films 2013 had to offer.
10. Prisoners
Probably the hardest selection I had to make was what to put at number 10. The Hobbit, Hunger Games and Behind the Candelabra were all films vying for this spot. However, I've gone for Prisoners, by far the most atmospheric film of the year. This film is beautifully shot, well acted and has some insanely tense scenes. Couple that with the simply brilliant environment in which the film is set and you have a terrific film. Unfortunately, Prisoners does lose its way slightly and suffers from narrative issues in its third act. It is a shame when you think what might have been, however Prisoners is absolutely deserving of being listed here and if you have not seen it, it is well worth your time.
9. Philomena
Philomena deserves this spot purely on the emotion it draws from its audience. It is gripping, heartwarming, tragic and, at times, downright hilarious. The performances from Judi Dench and Steve Coogan are top drawer, as is the screenplay, which was co-written by Coogan himself. The most extraordinary thing about Philomena, however, is its power to deliver such a tragic story with such an uplifting, determined and humorous tone, all the while conveying just how saddening this true tale is.
8. Captain Phillips
In a year littered with films based on true events, Captain Phillips is certainly one of the best. Tom Hanks delivers an Oscar worthy performance, as does Barkhad Abdi, the leader of the pirates who board the Maersk Alabama. It is a film which is terrifically shot, using shaky camerawork to brilliant effect. It delivers a powerful message about the human resolve, all the while being absolutely gripping from start to finish.
7. Frozen
Frozen is, in my eyes, already a Disney classic. The characters are beautifully crafted and voiced superbly, the environments are gorgeous and engaging and the musical score is exemplary. I have been to see it multiple times, and each time I leave the cinema with a glow in my heart that only this kind of Disney film can provide.
6. Blue Jasmine
Nothing gives me greater pleasure than being able to include a Woody Allen film in this list. It is most definitely a return to top form from this directorial master. It is a film so well crafted and paced that it absolutely had to be included in this list. The standout here though is the performance of Cate Blanchett. She is outstanding as the deeply troubled socialite that has relocated to San Francisco to leave her troubles behind. Blanchett deserves every accolade thrown her way, of which I can imagine there will be many.
5. The Place Beyond the Pines
The Place Beyond the Pines was the first film of 2013 that had me genuinely glued to the screen. It is a gorgeous yet tragic tale of life and death. The narrative is meticulously pieced together in an unpredictable way and only by the end are you given the final clue to the intertwining story lines. It is at times quite farfetched, but it is to its credit that it manages to pull off such a diverse tale so excellently.
4. Rush
There is a moment in Rush that had me squirming in my cinema seat, so much so that I could barely look at the screen. It was this point where I realised just how good this film is. The performances are so genuine and raw that you feel every emotion that these characters have to go through. The film is perfectly paced and the action sequences excellently choreographed. Whether you are a fan of the subject material or not, Rush is truly extraordinary.
3. Nebraska
Nebraska is a magnificent film. The performances are awesome, the cinematography gorgeous and the script perfect. It is a film that on the surface seems so simple, but draws you in further during every scene. The inevitability of the conclusion is a surprising necessity and it shows rural American life to perfection.
2. Only God Forgives
By far the most controversial film on this list is Only God Forgives. It is worth noting that some of the negative reviews aimed at this film are due to the fact it is not aimed at mainstream audiences. It is an art house movie that you will either love or hate. Personally, I feel that this approach is exactly why this films works. The director has made no alterations to improve ratings or box office takings, it is purely his vision portrayed on screen. It looks incredible and is filled with underlying themes that will become more and more apparent on repeat viewings. Only God Forgives deserves to be considered an absolute masterpiece.
1. Gravity
So, without further ado, here are my picks of the best films 2013 had to offer.
10. Prisoners
Probably the hardest selection I had to make was what to put at number 10. The Hobbit, Hunger Games and Behind the Candelabra were all films vying for this spot. However, I've gone for Prisoners, by far the most atmospheric film of the year. This film is beautifully shot, well acted and has some insanely tense scenes. Couple that with the simply brilliant environment in which the film is set and you have a terrific film. Unfortunately, Prisoners does lose its way slightly and suffers from narrative issues in its third act. It is a shame when you think what might have been, however Prisoners is absolutely deserving of being listed here and if you have not seen it, it is well worth your time.
9. Philomena
Philomena deserves this spot purely on the emotion it draws from its audience. It is gripping, heartwarming, tragic and, at times, downright hilarious. The performances from Judi Dench and Steve Coogan are top drawer, as is the screenplay, which was co-written by Coogan himself. The most extraordinary thing about Philomena, however, is its power to deliver such a tragic story with such an uplifting, determined and humorous tone, all the while conveying just how saddening this true tale is.
8. Captain Phillips
In a year littered with films based on true events, Captain Phillips is certainly one of the best. Tom Hanks delivers an Oscar worthy performance, as does Barkhad Abdi, the leader of the pirates who board the Maersk Alabama. It is a film which is terrifically shot, using shaky camerawork to brilliant effect. It delivers a powerful message about the human resolve, all the while being absolutely gripping from start to finish.
7. Frozen
Frozen is, in my eyes, already a Disney classic. The characters are beautifully crafted and voiced superbly, the environments are gorgeous and engaging and the musical score is exemplary. I have been to see it multiple times, and each time I leave the cinema with a glow in my heart that only this kind of Disney film can provide.
6. Blue Jasmine
Nothing gives me greater pleasure than being able to include a Woody Allen film in this list. It is most definitely a return to top form from this directorial master. It is a film so well crafted and paced that it absolutely had to be included in this list. The standout here though is the performance of Cate Blanchett. She is outstanding as the deeply troubled socialite that has relocated to San Francisco to leave her troubles behind. Blanchett deserves every accolade thrown her way, of which I can imagine there will be many.
5. The Place Beyond the Pines
The Place Beyond the Pines was the first film of 2013 that had me genuinely glued to the screen. It is a gorgeous yet tragic tale of life and death. The narrative is meticulously pieced together in an unpredictable way and only by the end are you given the final clue to the intertwining story lines. It is at times quite farfetched, but it is to its credit that it manages to pull off such a diverse tale so excellently.
4. Rush
There is a moment in Rush that had me squirming in my cinema seat, so much so that I could barely look at the screen. It was this point where I realised just how good this film is. The performances are so genuine and raw that you feel every emotion that these characters have to go through. The film is perfectly paced and the action sequences excellently choreographed. Whether you are a fan of the subject material or not, Rush is truly extraordinary.
3. Nebraska
Nebraska is a magnificent film. The performances are awesome, the cinematography gorgeous and the script perfect. It is a film that on the surface seems so simple, but draws you in further during every scene. The inevitability of the conclusion is a surprising necessity and it shows rural American life to perfection.
2. Only God Forgives
By far the most controversial film on this list is Only God Forgives. It is worth noting that some of the negative reviews aimed at this film are due to the fact it is not aimed at mainstream audiences. It is an art house movie that you will either love or hate. Personally, I feel that this approach is exactly why this films works. The director has made no alterations to improve ratings or box office takings, it is purely his vision portrayed on screen. It looks incredible and is filled with underlying themes that will become more and more apparent on repeat viewings. Only God Forgives deserves to be considered an absolute masterpiece.
1. Gravity
Hands down, Gravity is by far the best film of 2013. It is daring, gripping, beautifully shot and the first film ever that actually makes 3D seem worthwhile. It is a cinema experience like no other so please, do yourself a favour and try to catch this on the big screen. To read just why I think Gravity is so great, have a look at my in depth review here.
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